sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
