I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
