She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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