and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
