I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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