If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
