i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
