the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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