make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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