its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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