his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
