he wants to bone in the snuggie
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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