Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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