Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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