So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
