There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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