Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
