if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
