I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
