DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
