She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
