the condom got lost in my hair
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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