with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
