I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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