I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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