party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was like eating out sand paper
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
