Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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