I got chris browned last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize