You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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