I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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