I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
