Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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