I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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