I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
