I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
