Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
