You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
