so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
