Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
