proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
