I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
