I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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