Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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