Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
