the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize