just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
