Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
