all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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