that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize