alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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