You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
