he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
