I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize