By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
