I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
