Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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