so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
