She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
