maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
