I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
