guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Porn is love you can see.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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