don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
