oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she told me i tasted like america
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
