Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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