girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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