My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
