OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There r osticjed everywhere
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize