I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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