I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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