I CAN MOONWALK!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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