You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
