it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
