Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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