well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The uberlube is also flammable
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
