i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
