Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
