I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
