I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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