Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
