I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
