Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize