omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
