I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
