Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
