dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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