In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
