What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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