Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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