You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
