I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
