Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
