OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
