69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
