so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
