none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
