I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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