Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
