Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize