i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
...so i touched it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
